And we thought we had problems! If Noah had lived in the United States
in the last ten years, the story may have gone something like this:
And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make
it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living
thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In fear
and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember,"
said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in
one year."
Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all
the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting
in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord,
please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems."
"First, I had to get a permit for construction, and your plans did not
meet the building codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the
plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed
a sprinkler system and approved floatation devices. Then, my neighbor objected,
claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front
yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission."
"Then, I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark because there was
a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced
the U.S. Forest Service that I really needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me take the 2 owls. The
carpenters formed a union and went on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement
with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw
or hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls."
"When I started rounding up the other animals, an animal rights group
sued me. They objected to me taking only two of each kind aboard. This
suit is pending. Meanwhile, the EPA notified me that I could not complete
the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed
flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction
over the conduct of the Creator of the Universe. Then, the Army Corps of
Engineers demanded a map of the proposed flood plain. I sent them a globe."
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment
Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking
atheists aboard. The IRS has seized my assets, claiming that I'm building
the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just
got a notice from the state that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed
to register the Ark as a 'recreational water craft.' And finally, the ACLU
got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the
Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it's a religious event
and therefore unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark
for another five or six years."
Noah waited.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine, and the seas began to
calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully, "You mean
you're not going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," He said sadly. "I don't have to. The government already has."
- Author Unknown -
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