SHORT CHRISTIAN JOKES 1
A man is walking
along when suddenly he got his foot caught in
some railroad tracks. He tried to get it out, but
it was really stuck in there well. He heard a
noise and turned around to see a train coming. He
panicked and started to pray, "God, please
get my foot out of these tracks and I'll stop
Nothing happened, it was still stuck, and the
train was getting closer! He prayed again, "God,
please get my foot out and I'll stop drinking AND
Still nothing...and the train was just seconds
away! He tried it one last time, "God
please, if you get my foot out of the tracks,
I'll quit drinking, swearing and smoking."
Suddenly his foot shot out of the tracks and he
was able to dive out of the way, just as the
train passed. He got up, dusted himself off,
looked toward Heaven and said... "Thanks
anyway God, I got it myself."
needed some supplies from a Sunday School
cupboard that was seldom used and was secured
with a lock. I didn't know the combination, but
our clergyman offered to give it a try. Father
Jack placed his fingers on the lock's dial and
raised his eyes heavenward for a moment. Then he
confidently spun the dial and opened the lock.
Seeing how impressed I was with this
demonstration of faith, he smiled and confided,
"The numbers are written on the ceiling."
overweight colleague of mine decided it was time
to shed some excess pounds. He took his new diet
seriously, even changing his driving route to
avoid his favorite bakery. One morning, however,
he arrived at work carrying a gigantic coffeecake.
We all scolded him, but his smile remained
cherubic. "This is a very special
coffeecake," he explained. "I
accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and
there in the window were a host of goodies. I
felt this was no accident, so I prayed, 'Lord, if
you want me to have one of those delicious
coffeecakes, let me have a parking place directly
in front of the bakery.' And sure enough,"
he continued, "the eighth time around the
block, there it was!"
young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He
asked his father who was a minister, if they
could discuss the use of the car. His father took
him to his study and said to him, "I'll make
a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study
your bible a little and get your hair cut and
we'll talk about it." After about a month
the boy came back and again asked his father if
they could discuss use of the car. They again
went to the father's study where his father said,
"Son, I've been real proud of you. You have
brought your grades up, you've studied your bible
diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut."
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You
know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You
know, Samsom had long hair, Moses had long hair,
Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair!",
to which is father replied, "Yes, you're
right, and they also WALKED every where they went!"
their way to a justice of the peace to get
married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The
couple is sitting outside Heavens gate
waiting on St. Peter to do an intake. While
waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get
married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and
they ask him. St. Peter says, "I dont
know, this is the first time anyone has ever
asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begins
to wonder if they really should get married in
Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
What if it doesnt work out?
they wonder. Are we stuck together forever?
St. Peter returns after yet another month,
looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes,"he
informs the couple. "You can get married in
Heaven." "Great," says the couple,
"but what if things dont work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St.
Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the
ground! "Whats wrong?" exclaims
the frightened couple. "Come on!" St.
Peter exclaims. "It took me three months to
find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how
long its going to take me to find a lawyer!?"
small child with a bad cough was taken by her
parents to a hospital emergency room. A nurse,
examining the child's lungs with a stethoscope,
told the child, "I have to see if Barney is
in there." "I have Jesus in my heart,"
the child replied. "Barney is on my
story goes that a certain court jester went too
far one day and insulted his king. The king
became so infuriated that he sentenced the jester
to be executed. His court prayed upon the king to
have mercy for this man who had served him well
for so many years. After a time, the king
relented only enough to give the jester his
"choice" as to how he would like to die.
True to form, the jester replied, "if it's
all the same to you my Lord, I'd like to die of
GOD'S LITTLE ACRE
Copyright (c) Rusti 2002, 2003
All Rights Reserved